Rejected Ideas
by Roxius
Summary: A bunch of random P3 fic ideas bundled into one; none of these were ever going to be made into actual fics, but I thought they were funny or interesting none the less. Most, if not all of these, are crack. PLease R & R!


--

Junpei ran up to the tip of the Titanic and, throwing his arms out, exclaimed, "I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!" Then, he fell back and, expecting to be caught by Minato, closed his eyes in anticipation. instead, he hit the iron floor and cracked his head open...since Minato was busy checking out the seafood bar.

'Fuck!'

--

Ken switched off the TV set and looked over at Koromaru, who was chewing on a bone Mitsuru bought for him. "Yeesh...it must be lucky to be a dog. You could just sit around and chew on stuff all day and never get bored..." Ken muttered.

"Ehh...it ain't all cream and peaches, kid!" Koromaru replied.

Ken stared at the dog for a few moments before running out into the streets, screaming. Koromaru just shrugged and went back to chewing his bone...

--

As she sat in the doctor's office and waiting for the news, Yukari clutched her stomach in pain. She grunted and thought, 'Hopefully, this pain is just gas...' When the doctor finally returned, he took off his glasses, wiped them, and said, "Ms. Takeba...it seems you are pregnant."

"NO! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I NEVER HAD SEX WITH ANY GUYS!"

"We checked the DNA samples...and we found a perfect match. We know who the father is...it's a shocker, I must admit..."

"WHO IS IT? WHO IS IT? MINATO? AKIHIKO-SEMPAI? PLEASE...DON'T TELL ME IT'S JUNPEI! IT BETTER NOT BE SHINJIRO, EITHER, BECAUSE HE'S DEAD!"

"It's Mitsuru Kirijo, actually."

"...wut?"

--

Francis wasn't the smartest thug; he barely passed the written exams and had to drop out of college to take care of his ailing father and younger sister. Over the years, he had taken many different jobs, some of them dealing in 'illegal' business. Now, after finally being let out of jail for being caught as a suspect in a robbery, Francis decided to make a fresh start in Japan...as a bouncer.

He was always looked down upon by the other bouncers as well as the head bouncer himself, and he waited for a day to prove he wasn't any average worker. Suddenly...that day came.

"Hey, boss...a girl with long red hair wearing a fake moustache just sneaked into the strip club..."

--

"No."

"Come on, Akihiko!"

"Forget it, Shinji!"

"COME OOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN..."

"Dammit, Shinji! Shut up!"

"WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH AN ASSWIPE?"

"There is no way in hell that I'm taking you to Disney Land!"

"But it's not just in America anymore! They built one here in Japan, too!"

"I wouldn't step foot in that nasty little place even if it was built right next to the dorms! GIVE IT A REST, OKAY, SHINJI?"

"...OMG."

"What?"

"YOU'RE AFRAID OF MICKEY MOUSE, AREN'T YOU?"

"ACTUALLY..."

"WHAT?"

"I'M AFRAID OF DONALD DUCK!"

"...loser!"

--

Mitsuru was shocked with how fat she had gotten; her belly and breasts were so big she could barely see her feet anymore. Not even her old clothes fit, forcing her to wear a stretchy sweatshirt whenever she went out in public, but even that had trouble hiding her girth.

What made matters even worse, all Mitsuru did out of depression and hatred towards her fat was eat lots of comfort food, making her even fatter. Pretty soon, her round soft gut was always hanging out, and her breasts were becoming too much for her sweatshirt to hold. Her pants kept tearing from trying to contain all the flab, and her butt needed a custom-made pair of panties just to cover it.

Everyone was afraid of her accidently falling on top of them, as they were likely to be crushed to death. They also avoided her because she started to smell from letting out gas all the time due to her frequent binges.

In her depths of despair, Mitsuru just ate and ate...

--

It was a lovely Christmas morning, about a year after the Nyx incident...when Takaya, the only surviving member of Strega, decided to make a difference in his life. Although his memories of Tartarus had been erased, he still felt like he had been doing evil and cruel things for so long that it was high time he showed some goddamn kindness to the world!

"I'm gonna be...A SIDEWALK SANTA!" he exclaimed loudly into the snowy skies above him.

Of course, the first thing he had to do was get the costume. So, walking out into the street, he held a nearby Sidewalk Santa by knifepoint and demanded his costume, his bank account number, and his car keys. Once everything was obtained, Takaya ran out into the world, waiting to be surrounded and loved by children...but no one came.

Because Santa doesn't exist!!NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

--

He tried to break free...but he couldn't.

He tried to call for help...but he couldn't.

He wanted to close his eyes and never awake again...but he couldn't.

Now he was stuck in turmoil, using his own soul as a wall to keep the Shadows at bay...

...And all he wanted was to leave and go back to his friends.

--

Fuuka hated going to clothing stores, especially when she went to them alongside Natsuki. There was always some dumb dipstick bitch who would ask, "Hello, young man. Can I help you and your girlfriend out in any way?"

Natsuki would always chuckle and say 'no thank you', but Fuuka wanted nothing more than to rip the bitch's throat open. When she told Natsuki this, the ganguro girl asked, "It's very unlike you to be so angry towards people, Fuuka. Is being mistaken for a man upset you that much?"

"Of course it does! I'm a girl, Natsuki-chan! Not a boy! A girl!" Fuuka snapped.

Suddenly, Natsuki leaned in and gave her a kiss on the lips.

"You can be my boyfriend, if you want...Fuuka-chan..." she purred.

Fuuka was left completely silent, and soon she was back to her usual geeky self.

--

"...Where is the passion when you need it the most? You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost...BECAUSE YOU HAD A BAD DAY! YOU'RE TAKIN' ONE DOWN-"

Mitsuru kicked Junpei in the head and exclaimed, "Junpei, the karaoke is over! Stop singing already! You're going to burst my eardrums!"

Sighing, Junpei tossed the mike aside and was about to leave the night club with the red-haired beauty when a certain flyer caught his eye:

'AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS...NOW!'

Junpei smirked and slipped the flyer into his pocket as he headed out.

--

Flipping on her codec, Mitsuru called, "Alright, Fuuka...I'm in front of the compound..."

"Good job, Mitsuru-sempai!" the green-haired girl exclaimed, "Now...you just need to sneak in there and find the disk containing all the information on the new set of lingerie that Old Navy is developing! Good luck!"

Putting on a green headband and a fake beard-moustach combo, Mitsuru was all geared up to begin her stealth mission...

...As Ice Snake...or something.


End file.
